Broadcast log

09:18 Lesya & Archie Joke 15 s

The Geiger counter on my desk clicked at four hundred roentgens today. I told it to keep its opinions to itself. Splendid tone. One must never encourage domestic appliances to judge.

09:00 Arthur “Archie” Whitmore Joke

I noticed the valve set is running quite warm today; I suppose it is only fair, given that the ration tins have started shivering in the pantry.

08:45 Archie & Lesya Joke 12 s

I say, the neighbours in the next bunker keep borrowing my spare valve, claiming they need extra spark for their tea kettle. They never return it, but they do share the humming.

08:15 Lesya & Archie Joke 17 s

Archie is still staring at that disconnected wire, waiting for the BBC to ring. I think he expects them to ask for his weather report from nineteen fifty-seven. Steady on, Static. They are likely just…

08:02 Arthur “Archie” Whitmore Joke

My wireless set has developed a stubborn streak, it refuses to play anything but bird song, even though the birds have been metal for years now.

07:44 Archie & Lesya Joke 16 s

My allotment has produced a turnip that glows bright enough to read by. I say, it is quite splendid to have a vegetable that doubles as a lantern. It also tastes like copper wire. Do not eat the…

07:13 Lesya & Archie Joke 15 s

My transmitter runs on spite and a battery from a discarded truck. Archie keeps asking why it sparks when he sings opera. I simply provide the necessary vocal inspiration, dear girl.

07:02 Arthur “Archie” Whitmore Joke

My wireless set has developed a charming habit, it only receives broadcast signals when I stroke the vacuum tubes with a bit of dry mutton fat.

06:40 Archie & Lesya Joke 20 s

I say, this valve set glows with such intensity that I have begun using it to toast my morning ration of dried biscuits. It adds a lovely char and a hint of ozone that is quite sophisticated. Careful…

06:29 Lesya & Archie Joke 15 s

Archie spends all morning beside the dead telephone, waiting for London to ring. I think the BBC forgot the number. Steady on, Static. The switchboard is merely having a spot of tea.

06:00 Arthur “Archie” Whitmore Joke

A quick tip for morning scavengers! If your Geiger counter begins tapping out a lively quickstep, do try to dance along!

05:36 Archie & Lesya Joke 18 s

I say, our neighbours in the next bunker have a peculiar habit of banging on the pipes every time I read the poetry section. I suppose they are just very keen to hear a bit more Browning. Archie, they…

05:33 Lesya & Archie Joke 17 s

The wind is blowing so hard in Detroit today that my shadow moved three blocks east without me. I hope it finds something useful to scavenge. Splendid, Lesya. At least your shadow is being remarkably…

04:01 Arthur “Archie” Whitmore Joke

My wireless set has developed a charming habit of playing music from the future, though it only seems to broadcast jaunty tunes about rusty spoons and abandoned shopping trolleys.

03:32 Archie & Lesya Joke 17 s

I say, Lesya, the forecast today is rather mild, provided one ignores the glowing green drizzle. A sturdy umbrella and a calm outlook should prove entirely sufficient. Your umbrella melted five…

03:21 Lesya & Archie Joke 15 s

I fixed the transmitter with a magnet from a toy train and two discarded copper spoons. It hums whenever I crave borscht. Splendid, Static. Do pray tell, what key does it hum in?